Even In Death
by Lionheart1
Summary: Rinoa tries to deal with the biggest loss of her life. One shot fic. Please read and review!


Authors note: Ummm. one afternoon I was in the mood to write and this is basically what I wrote. I was intending to continue with one of my other stories but instead this happened. I suppose you could call it a happy accident? Anyway the lyrics used at the beginning are from the song 'Even In Death' by Evanescence. You may find Rinoa's behaviour a little strange in this, but I did that intentionally and I hope it does work.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII or Evanescence although I wish I did.  
  
Even In Death  
  
Give me a reason to believe that you're gone  
  
I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong Moonlight on the soft brown earth It leads me to where you lay They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home  
  
I watch as a shooting star illuminates the blanket of darkness above me. I feel a sense of warmth within me. We love to watch the stars together don't we? It's what brought us together. If I'm honest with myself, we nearly lost ourselves somewhere between the stars too. It is one of those memories that fill me with a sense of being happy that I am still alive, yet at the same time, it scares me. The feeling of floating helplessly around in space in the middle of nowhere, not knowing if you're going to live. I know you've saved my life many times, and for that I'm grateful. I guess I'll never find the words to tell you how much it means to me.  
  
I look deep into the stars wondering exactly where we were. I looked to my right on the small balcony. You're not here yet, but you'll soon come. I know you will. Just like on that night after the end of the Sorceress war where we shared our first kiss. That was the beginning of us. We promised we'd always be together. You'll come soon; you can't break a promise like that.  
  
I lifted my hand to meet the cold metal against my fingertips from your ring. Griever. Your ring keeps me company when you are not around. It is a part of you that I wear around my neck. When I touch it, it gives me the security that you only give. It reminds my why I am in love with you and no one else.  
  
I turned around to watch the door, which I know you'll walk through. I look through the glass. I thought love would be like that at one stage. Transparent. I thought you could see through it, no nasty surprises. I guess I shouldn't have forgotten how cruel life could be. I'll be all right though, just as soon as you come back. You'll soon walk through them transparent doors with those stormy blue eyes. You'll hold me in your arms that give me the most comfort and tell me everything is going to be fine.  
  
I wrote a letter to you earlier on today. To tell you what you've missed and how everyone is worried about you. I'm not. I know you are fine. I wrote about how it feels empty without you and what is happening in Garden. I even put it in an envelope and wrote your name on the top. Squall Leonhart. Then I stopped, because I realised that I don't know where you are. You haven't given me an address. I hope you are somewhere safe and warm. I know you will be looking up at the stars right now, thinking of me as you make your way back to Garden. Back here with me.  
  
No one has been the same since that day, you know. I think they really miss you. Selphie broke down in tears this morning and everyone else has been trying to support me. To be honest I hate the way they look at me. They don't love you as much as I do. They think that you are never going to come back. They tell me that I can talk to them if I need to. What is there to talk about? You will be walking through those doors soon. You'll come and meet me here so we can both prove them wrong. Together.  
  
People shouldn't dwell on the past. Since that day you went out on the mission they have assumed that you'll never come back. I remember that morning. How I was worried about you and tried to fight back the tears burning my eyes. You wrapped your arms around me and said that you'd be okay. You said that you would take me out on Friday so we could watch the stars together. To make it up to me because you have been busy lately. I doubted you then. I was worried out of my mind for the first hour. Now I believe you. I believe you because I love you. It is Friday today and I'm waiting here for you. You'll come soon.  
  
I feel like I've grown an extra head or something whenever I walk around Garden. They all stop. They all stare, with that sympathetic look in their eyes. Their eyes haunt me. It's like it puts me in some kind of spell. Makes me see images of you in a ditch somewhere with dried blood on your face. It's not true though. That is what keeps me going. Knowing that you'll soon come back to Garden and tell everyone how you escaped. You always do manage to escape from death.  
  
I feel proud whenever I think of you on that plain of grass. Helping out a neighbouring city in times of need. That's you. The sound when metal hits metal. I see you among all them people, your skilled fighting. We all saved the world from Ultimecia. Only someone more powerful than her could kill you. When the Galbadian soldiers started that fire, you were one of the survivors. They probably just haven't found you yet. Balamb Garden sent some more SeeD's out there today to help look for survivors. They say that they are going to try and find you. They say that we shouldn't get our hopes up. I don't have to. I know that you have made your own way back. You'll come and surprise everyone.  
  
It's getting cold out here now. My arms are clutched tightly around me to keep me warm. I close my eyes. I feel the warmth of your leather jacket wrap around me. The fur collar tickling against my neck. I can smell your fragrance and it makes me feel safe. I knew you'd come back. You knew I was cold so you wrapped you jacket around me. Then I open my eyes. Where are you now?  
  
I feel my body start to tremble. It's because of the cold. I hear the glass door open and turn around to see Zell looking at me worried. It's one of those looks again. Can't he leave me alone so I can wait for you? I feel a warm liquid trace its way down my face and Zell wraps his arms around me. He tells me it's going to be okay. I lick my lips to taste salt. I cry.  
  
Because I know that you are never coming back.  
  
Authors note: Yeah like I said at the beginning, Rinoa's behaviour is a little strange but I did it on purpose. Please restrain yourself from giving me a good grilling in your reviews and try to be nice. Reviews are more than welcome but flames will be taken to heart so think about what you're doing to a poor fifteen year old girl when you're saying how rubbish her writing is. Thank you! 


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